Navigating Radical Candor: The Delicate Balance Between Trust and Honest Feedback
I've often grappled with how to give feedback without coming across as too harsh or too soft. Navigating this fine line has always baffled the engineer in me - I've seen the same approach work in some cases and backfire in others. It becomes even more challenging when I need to mentor others to practice the same. How am I to teach someone Radical Candor when I myself haven't always done it right.
The Radical Candor Conundrum
Some situations are truly heartbreaking when someone approached a situation with utmost care and empathy at my behest and yet the perceived feedback was largely badly received. This has been a constant wonder for me, something which makes working with Humans so much more intriguing.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize how much of a tightrope it really is. Radical Candor, a concept that emphasizes caring personally while challenging directly, is something I've always believed in, but practicing it effectively is another story.
The Importance of Trust
Over the last few months, with ample time to read and reflect, I think I know why some feedbacks even though they were point blank and direct, were received well and did help the receiver. While in other situations the situation cause a rift between people. In trying to write my thoughts down, I came across some great writing and saw this picture. There it was hiding on a blog page of an AI integration company who was helping a consulting client of mine.
It was so well thought out that I had my aha! moment.
So today we will talk about two circles in this diagram. Radical Candor and Trust.
Key ingredient, or rather, the pre-requisite for Radical Candor to work is Radical Trust.
I have been working with a few teams and got a peek into their culture as an outsider. This is a welcome change from me being one of the protaganists in my usual roles. I keep seeing situations where the teams have an element of depleted trust. With the luxury of not being affected directly from these situations, I got to look at patterns from my past experiences at my job. Specially those situations where radical candor in a depleted trust scenario has worked against me.
While researching more on the topic, I chanced upon a comment. It struck a chord so deep that I am compelled to copy an excrept from this comment by @grandalf on hackernew in this thread
"If there is sufficient trust, there is no issue with candor because you just say what you want, and everyone knows you are trying to make things better. When trust breaks down, your words might seem critical or like personal attacks."
That's when it occured to me. Everytime failed radical candor scenario in my personal experiece was either because we were in a depleted trust sutuation or there was an error in the way candor was practiced.
Trust is the invisible thread that holds Radical Candor together. Without it, the entire framework falls apart. Imagine giving Alex that tough feedback without a foundation of trust—how do you think they'd react? Probably not well. They might feel demoralized, defensive, or even resentful.
Forstering a Culture of Trust
Drawing insights from that insightful Hacker News comment, let's look at some scenarios where managers could unknowingly be creating a low-trust environment These scenarios also act like a red herring to assess trust in your teams.
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Finger-Pointing and Pressure to Lowball Estimates When a project falls behind schedule, the natural instinct for some managers might be to start pointing fingers and putting undue pressure on the team to deliver. They demand tighter, more conservative estimates, even if it means setting the team up for failure. This kind of behavior erodes trust, as the team perceives the manager as more interested in protecting their own position than genuinely supporting the team's success. As the Hacker News commenter said, "When there is finger pointing and pressure to lowball estimates, there is a trust breakdown from the outset." Instead, the manager should focus on adjusting scope or timelines collaboratively, demonstrating that they're in it together with the team.
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Lack of Transparency around Performance and Growth Another trust-eroding scenario is when managers are not transparent about performance evaluations and growth opportunities. If team members feel like the criteria for advancement are unclear or that the process is biased, they're less likely to trust that their manager has their best interests in mind. As the commenter noted, "It must be OK to be honest in either direction, which means the firm should respect it if the employee wishes to leave, and the employee should respect it if the firm isn't happy with performance and there doesn't appear to be a path to improvement." Fostering that level of mutual respect and transparency is key to building trust.
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Inconsistent or Insincere Feedback When managers provide feedback inconsistently or in a way that feels insincere, it can severely undermine trust. If the team perceives that the manager is "sugarcoating" issues or not being fully transparent, they'll start to doubt the manager's motives and credibility. It gets worse the higher up you are and the more ambiguous your responsibilities are. Truth be told, I have seen a lot more incompetent bosses who were perfectly fine humans but really unprepared people leaders. A tell-tale sign of your boss not being up to the mark is when you see them delegate doing the dirty work. They deliver bad news by proxy or take tough decisions in the shadows and make others deliver it for them, often with justifications galore and sugarcoating. This subturfuge is often plainly obvious and makes them loose trust and credibility.
Building a culture of trust isn't a one-time effort. It's an ongoing process that requires consistency, transparency, and a genuine commitment to the well-being of your team. It's about having the tough conversations, not just when things go wrong, but also when they're going right. It's about recognizing the good, while still pushing for better.
There's a phrase that I've come across:
"Radical Candor can't exist without Radical Trust and Radical Acceptance of feedback"
It struck a chord with me because it highlights the interconnectedness of the person giving feedback and the one receiving it. You can't just focus on being candid without also working on trust before hand and the person listening to be accepting of your feedback.
If you ask me, this comment sums it up.
"If there is sufficient trust, there is no issue with candor because you just say what you want, and everyone knows you are trying to make things better. When trust breaks down, your words might seem critical or like personal attacks." Maintaining a consistent, genuine approach to feedback is crucial for building that foundation of trust.
The key takeaway is that trust is fragile and easily eroded when managers act in ways that are perceived as self-serving, dishonest, or inconsistent. By focusing on transparency, mutual respect, and a genuine commitment to the team's success, managers can create an environment where Radical Candor can truly thrive. If trust is present, then the next key ingredient will be caring personally and challenging directly. Anything else and the dough doesnt rise.
Balancing Care and Challenge
In one of Kim Scott’s articles, the orginal proponent of Radical Candor, she emphasizes this point: “The whole point of Radical Candor is that it really is possible to Care Personally and Challenge Directly at the same time.” But it’s easier said than done. I’ve seen leaders who genuinely believed they were practicing Radical Candor, but their teams perceived them as overbearing or insincere. It made me question whether we’re all really getting it right.
And I think this picture is very telling.
Just so that we align clearly and unambiguously on what this picture means, I have written down my tldr for each quadrant of the Radical Candor model:
- Radical Candor is kind and helpful.
- Obnoxious Aggression is mean but may be helpful. Obnoxious Aggression is also called "brutal honesty" or "front stabbing."
- Ruinous Empathy is "nice" but ultimately unhelpful or even damaging.
- Manipulative Insincerity is a stab in the back. I have witnessed this, and trust me, this is the number one reason why culture breaks down in organizations.
In the spirit of radical candor, I would say i find myself 60% in radical candor, 25% in Obnoxious aggression and 15% in Ruinous Empathy to the best of my estimates.
I notice I slip into Obnoxious aggression when I feel trust is depleted, I am being manipulated or someones being insincere to my face when I know through others they have other designs. It doesn't make it any better, but its good to know my inner workings so that i can course correct. Its easier to see your own destructive patterns and check yourself. Its like following radical candor with your alter-ego.
Scaling Radical Candor
Finding the right balance between caring and challenging is tricky, and I often wonder if I've gotten it right. It's not about being perfect, though—it's about being intentional. It's about recognizing when you're slipping into what Scott calls "Obnoxious Aggression" or "Ruinous Empathy", and course-correcting.
And then there's the issue of how Radical Candor scales in larger organizations. In a small team, trust can be easier to cultivate, but what happens when you're leading a larger group, or even an entire company? How do you maintain that balance when the stakes are higher, and the dynamics are more complex? These are questions that I don't have all the answers to, but they're worth reflecting on.
Final Thoughts
Radical Candor is a journey, not a destination. It's something we practice, reflect on, and improve over time. But it's not just about personal growth - it's about cultivating a culture where Radical Candor can truly thrive.
As leaders, we have to be vigilant in recognizing the signs when we or our team members start slipping into the less-than-ideal quadrants of the Radical Candor model. When trust is depleted, it's easy to fall into Obnoxious Aggression. And in an effort to avoid conflict, we can sometimes drift into Ruinous Empathy. Being able to self-reflect and course-correct is crucial.
But the real key lies in building a foundation of trust. Without it, Radical Candor becomes nigh impossible. It's about creating an environment where feedback is seen as an act of care, not an indictment. Where team members feel safe to be vulnerable, challenge each other, and grow together.
This isn't something that happens overnight. It requires consistency, transparency, and a genuine, sustained commitment to the well-being of your people. It means having the tough conversations, celebrating the wins, and always striving to push each other to be our best selves.
It's a delicate balance, to be sure. But if we can get it right, the payoff is immense. We unlock the true power of Radical Candor - the ability to unlock human potential, drive meaningful progress, and cultivate a thriving, trust-filled culture.
So let's not just practice Radical Candor ourselves. Let's be intentional about building the conditions that allow it to flourish. Because at the end of the day, that's what truly great leadership is all about.